Our New Normal

If you’ve read the story of Libbi turning 60, you’ll know that our childhood was normal. Our lives have been normal. Honestly. We were likely raised much like everyone of you. We lived in a small community, we walked to the movies on Saturday afternoon, went to church on Sunday, we bickered over who got the one bathroom before school.

We never considered ourselves abnormal—— especially not because Libbi had a developmental disability. That WAS our normal and we knew nothing else and never thought to question it. She was a precious little girl with long black hair, adorable clothes, a sassy personality and always a great big smile.

Fast forward 40 years. Our parents were gone. Libbi lived independently in a pretty house in a safe neighborhood just as Mom had told her she could do. She enjoyed her life, her neighbors, her puppies, and our sisters days out. Then she became confused while dressing. Then she began to fall. Then she’d forget to eat.

A new normal.

Libbi seemed to breathe a sigh of relief when I tucked her in the first night in our home and so did I. The move had been Jerry’s idea and his words were very plain...I think it’s time we moved Libbi in with us. I’m quick to say, that moving in with family isn’t an answer for everyone, but it was right for us. We were empty nesters whose kids, and grandchildren live in the northeast. We had three extra bedrooms and a small guest house. I’m no longer working and had plenty of time to devote to Libbi.

I didn’t consider myself a caregiver —- that came later. Libbi’s easy to have around and we fell into her routine of breakfast at 9:00, lunch at 12:30, tea at 3:00 and a little glass of wine at 5:00. It’s important to note that wine at 4:55 won’t happen, although laying out the cheese tray and getting the glasses ready is fine. Despite all her confusion she still stuck to her regimented schedule. After supper, she always says “what do you think about a little something sweet?”

And so, three years ago we all fell into our new normal. A Little Something Sweet, indeed.

Alzheimer's creeps in slowly then rapidly grabs hold of entire families. She went from setting the table every night and tossing a salad to being “a little muddled”. Her sleep patterns took a crazy turn and her days and nights were confused . Her food likes and dislikes changed frequently. She grew slower, and more determined. Changes occurred quickly and in slow motion at the same time. Companions became caregivers and caregivers became Home Health providers. She continues to smile. While often Alzheimer’s disease brings on belligerence and anger, Libbi smiles....when she pets the puppy, when she sees the new baby, when she enjoys a bowl of fresh fruit, when she sits by the fire.

Our new normal is sometimes silly, sometimes sad. It is reciting nursery rhymes, it’s listening to Alexa playing oldies. It’s looking at photo albums. It’s sitting outside on a sunny day. And, sometimes, Libbi still smiles. That is her gift to me.